Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please come you make the beer taste better
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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