dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
