Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
