Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
