just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
