shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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