I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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