a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
