He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
