Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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