OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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