Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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