Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
