We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
