ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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