kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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