Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
