i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is my gift to your gina
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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