did you get engaged???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
