I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
