Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
