Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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