We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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