I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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