'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
