I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
