This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
