I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
