just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I understand Curling. That high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
