I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
