Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
