I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
