What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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