would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
