I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
