i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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