I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
