Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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