you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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