i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize