My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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