No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
