dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
