i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
