I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
