I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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