you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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