I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pop tarts are not kleenex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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