I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
