Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
