I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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