I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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