i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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