Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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