Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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