Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
