He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
