You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
