you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
