sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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