Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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