i already hear my dad disowning me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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