Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
