Im at strip club and am horny
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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