We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
