i don't like sucking hair
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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