talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
